I remember the exact feelings I had when the latest record from The Wonder Years came out. I definitely do. I remember giving the CD a good listen, then another, then another, and being more addicted to the album than any before in my life. I knew I loved the band but I could never figure it out, and then it hit me: the words, the message, the relation, the memories, everything.
I remember starting every morning in the shower screaming every word to Came Out Swinging and Woke Up Older. When I was in the car, I would reverse the order because it made more sense to me to think that I woke up older and came out swinging, it’s a weird thought, but given my mental state at the time, I would say it made perfect sense to me.
Every time I listened to “Woke Up Older” I replaced Jess, with another name, a name that had more meaning to me and allowed me to get even more into the song. By the time “Came Out Swinging” would kick in in the car, I was already yelling as loud as I could and hurting my ears with how loud the volume was.
I wanted so bad to relate to those songs in every way, and then I finally did. Losing a girlfriend, leaving a “real job,” traveling all over trying to make sense of the concept of “home,” the latter being something that is still very current in my life. I don’t know where home is and it’s causing me to constantly consider the idea of just leaving. Going far away, starting fresh, giving up everything I have here.
When memories don’t die, but get stronger, and chances become slim instead of greater, you have to be bold and you have to be a little crazy. You can either run a million miles away or think of some insane plan to fix everything that you’d run from, I’m still deciding which is best for me.
The only thing I know is that I’d rather wait a lifetime for PASSION before I settle for COMFORT.
I spent the winter writing songs about getting better, if I’m being honest, I’m getting there…
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