The idea of touring has always fascinated me. I’ve done weekend runs, week runs, even a three week run before, but it was all a tease. For once in my life I have everything together where I can actually leave and trust that everything back home will be handled correctly. It’s a big decision, but it’s a dream and it’s where I belong. There’s no better feeling to me than waking up in a new place every day. It’s the perfect temporary life of single serving friends and experiences you’ll never have anywhere else. There’s no one waiting at home upset because I’ve left them home alone, there’s no relationship commitment I have to deal with, I can be free. I’m better off free and spending this time away from home while I’m still single and still young. Maybe one day a woman will give me a reason to stay home, or a new job, but for now… This is where I belong.
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Despite how against it and scared of it I seem, I want nothing more than to chill out with a supportive girl who has her own ambitions and own drive and share life together. Seems impossible though, so I keep myself distracted.
I might be too strung out on compliments Overdose on confidence Started not to give a fuck and stopped fearing the consequence Drinking every night because we drink to my accomplishments Faded way too long I’m floating in and out of consciousness And they sayin’ I’m back, I’d agree with that I just take my time with all this shit, I still believe in that I had someone tell me I fell off, ooh I needed that And they wanna see me pick back up, well where’d I leave it at I know I exaggerated things, now I got it like that Tuck my napkin in my shirt, cause I’m just mobbin’ like that You know good and well that you don’t want a problem like that You gone make someone around me catch a body like that
It’s crazy how quickly you can wake up from a living nightmare, a place you feel you have to be but realize you don’t. It’s crazy how you can think you know what’s best for yourself and be more wrong than ever before. And it all comes back to music, the place I started, we started, in the first place. It’s amazing to realize you truly don’t need anyone, especially people that have repeatedly told you to leave their life and shown you that you’ll never be what they want you to be. You know the reason for it? Because someone else out there is waiting and wanting exactly what you are and who you are. They want to hold you and love you and never let you go. A stranger, next door, down the street, a city over, a state over, across the country… you can’t know, but you’ll never understand it until you let go of everything that holds you back. Holding on to pain and holding on to a fucking fictional fairytale idea of a relationship that will never again be has destroyed so much of me for so long, but not anymore. I went to bed destroyed at 9am this morning and woke up at 3pm a totally different person. Bullshit you can’t change overnight, it’s possible.
I woke up confident, comfortable in my own skin, excited for the day, excited for the days to come, and determined to make myself the best I can be, every day, for the rest of my life.
What’s a dream when it never comes to life? What’s holding on when you know you have to let go? What’s another sleepless night when you can be asleep about to wake up to everything you’ve ever wanted?
It’s not just love, it’s not just relationships, it’s everything. Holding on to so much baggage, failures, missed opportunities, painful times… LET GO… MOVE FORWARD… be a better version of yourself. Fix your failures, clear your mistakes, and come back twice as strong as ever.
We’ve all died a thousand times and found ways to come back to life, what’s one more time?
I’m not perfect, but what would you do in my shoes? It’s hard to hold on when you’re constantly moving on. The fear of the future keeps me far away from anything resembling commitment, how could I forget the plans we made and all the good times we had? There’s always the bad and there’s always rough times, but the good times were the best times. I could never replace those and I could never find anyone that makes me feel the way you do. I realize after writing this I’ve sealed my own fate as far as anyone else ever giving me a chance, but maybe that’s what I want, I want all the distractions to just go away. No one tries as hard as you did to hold my attention. No one cares the way you once did and no one looks at me the way you still do. It sucks to know when we are alone I still see everything I saw back then but now, almost a year and a half later, I know I can’t even hold you for longer than 5 seconds. The past haunts you, my old actions will always haunt you, it’s not fair but it’s nothing I can change. I went from being a closed book with nothing to say to a person so free and willing to throw out the fact that there is only one person for me and it’s the one person I know I’ll never have a chance with again.
I’ve never been so confident, I’ve never been so happy. I’ve never been so well off, I’ve never been so focused, I’ve never been so successful, I’ve never been so strong, but I’ve never been so alone.
I have no idea how to take that, but no matter where I end up, it’s going to be lonely without you.
You (and everyone else) keeps saying that “she” is out there somewhere, but who is “she” if all I think about is “you,” “us,” and “we?”
I recently had to write an essay for a scholarship over somebody who I looked up to and inspired me to get out of my comfort zone. I chose you. The things you have accomplished have inspired me and taught me that with hard work you can accomplish anything. I leave for college in a few months and hope to be as successful as you have been. Keep up the great work and thank you for everything you have done. You have touched/changed many lives with your work.
WOW! Thank you so much, I never get to see these kinds of things so I am very thankful you told me about this! I wish I could read it haha