I am at a point in life where I am speechless. Today I stared at a couple messages from some of my best friends for literally an hour. I re-read the words over and over and over again. Nothing on there made sense. To most people these messages wouldn’t even bother them, they wouldn’t even blink, they’d say “who cares?”… but not me. It’s not so much the exact content of the messages as it is what has happened since the last time I received any kind of real word from any of them. These are friends I’ve had for 6 years, maybe longer. Friends I call family and friends I love more than anything else, yet when it came down to it, it took them months to spit out what needed to be said instead of doing it right at the start. I love all of these people more than words can describe and they are some of the greatest people I’ve ever met. They’ve been there for me through some really good times and some really shitty times, especially the 2-3 I was extremely close to. I could honestly call these people family, but then I feel almost betrayed in saying that knowing that after reaching out time and time again it took this long to get those words across. I understand why, it’s painful to say tough things to people you love, hard to share bad news, you become afraid you’ll be looked at the same way others have who have walked out of their life, but in the end you should know it’s your family and your family never changes. I love these people more than anyone in the world could love them and I don’t have the energy right now to muster up a proper response to the messages I was sent by them. I could never say a negative thing about any of these best friends, but I can’t put together why it took so long to open up or so long to express the things that were wrong. I reached out so many times and got the cold shoulder until today. If you’re one of these people and you read this, just know that I love you and you’ll get a response eventually. It hurts that no one called, or texted, or even tried to communicate, just a couple messages online. What has technology done to us?
A lot of you have the wrong idea about me. I will admit a lot of your opinion probably has to do with the way I have carried myself in the past. I know a lot of people don’t believe that others change, but I am living proof that people don’t always stay the same. I’ve been a douchebag to a lot of people, I’ve talked a lot of shit in my day, I’ve treated people badly, I’ve broken girls hearts, I’ve done things I’m not proud of, but all those things added up to who I am today.
I am absolutely drug free. I hardly even drink anymore. I have been working on limiting the amount I cuss as I feel it is unprofessional to say “fuck” or “shit” as filler words when talking to people. I care about only one girl and that one girl has my heart. I live for my close friends and family but don’t shut anyone out that comes to me for advice, help, or friendship. I have started a Tuesday night “hang out” group where my friends (and strangers) meet, have tacos, and talk about life. This is a safe haven to open up and discuss our lives, our struggles, our pasts, our current issues, and our future goals. No one is judgmental and the room is loving.
I was born a Christian and went to church at least twice a week until I was in college. Once I started forming my own opinions and had my own realizations, I came to the conclusion that religion is more about your spiritual life and your personal relationship with God. Since figuring this out I admit I have strayed a lot, I’ve done things that a “true Christian” wouldn’t do, but as a Christian I believe in the judgment of only one person and that’s God who forgives all sin if you ask. I’m not writing this to preach I’m writing this to open up. I’ve fallen short of perfection but have put my life back on track to where I can honestly say my mother would be proud of the life I am living.
My life is no longer one big party but it’s still a blast. I love my friends more than I can describe and consider all of them to be my family. I love my parents and my brother now more than ever. I truly believe I have found the girl I’m meant to spend my entire life with and you will not see me messing that up, wasting my time on any other girl, or even giving anyone else the time of day. This girl completes me and that’s what I’ve waited my whole life to feel. My relationship feels like a movie, it has it’s struggles like anything in life, but at the end of the day it’s the best thing I’ve ever experienced and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I was who I was, but now I am who I am. I have a bigger heart and smarter brain than I ever imagined. I wrote this so you could have insight into my brain and my heart and understand there is A LOT more than meets the eye when it comes to me. If you’ve only known me in the past, I’m sorry, you don’t know me anymore. I am saying right now if you ever need someone to talk to, someone to grab coffee with, a friend, advice, anything, please hit me up or come out on a Tuesday when we are all here taking down those walls we all build around ourselves.
THE LOFT April 17 - Jason Castro May 5 - The Spill Canvas May 21 - Jeffree Star May 27 - Cute Is What We Aim For w/ Friday Night Boys and Bigger Lights June 21 - Passion Pit
THE PALLADIUM BALLROOM April 29 - Coheed and Cambria w/ Circa Survive May 11 - A Day To Remember w/ August Burns Red, Silverstein, and Enter Shikari May 19 - Drake May 20 - Angels and Airwaves w/ Say Anything June 4 - Cobra Starship w/ 3OH!3, Travis McCoy, and I Fight Dragons
THE DOOR DALLAS / THE PROPHET BAR April 5 - Story Of The Year April 14 - Sky Eats Airplane w/ Drop Dead Gorgeous May 4 - Alexisonfire May 25 - The Classic Crime
HOUSE OF BLUES April 11 - Vampire Weekend April 21 - Bone Thugs-N-Harmony May 7 - Bullet For My Valentine w/ Chiodos
SUPERPAGES.COM CENTER July 3 - Warped Tour August 13 - Mayhem Festival August 17 - Jack Johnson August 26 - Green Day w/ AFI
THE HANGER (WICHITA FALLS) April 13 - Drop Dead Gorgeous w/ Sky Eats Airplane May 1 - Analog Rebellion w/ Mansions May 11 - Mayday Parade w/ ARTTM, Sing It Loud, and Sparks The Rescue May 31 - Cartel
GRANADA THEATER May 15 - Minus The Bear May 18 - Ok Go May 24 - of Montreal June 14 - Sage Francis